May
01
Posted on 01-05-2012
Filed Under (Random Musings) by Steve

WARNING! Those of a weak disposition or if you are eating, look away now, this review is very graphic.

Right, so on Monday the 30th April 2012 I went for a colonoscopy for which the previous day I was to perform the dreaded colon prep using none other than Satan’s favourite tipple – Citrafleet.

I had read a lot of blogs about the effects of this stuff and not to put a too fine a point on it, I was pooing myself and not in a Fleet way either.

To prepare for the day, I went out and bought 2 x Lucozade Sport multi-packs and 2 packs of Andrex Flushables (these smell really nice).

So at 8:30am on Sunday 29th April 2012 (I was running late through fear), I poured the mixture into a pint glass (yes a pint, not being great at necking pints I really wanted to prolong the agony), waited for the heat (yes it did raise its own temperature a little) to die down and then drank.

I did initially feel as though I wanted to bring it back up though I suspect that this was only out of blind panic, went back upstairs with my work laptop (I had some work to be getting on with and besides, I had commandeered the en-suite for the day), and waited – I had no breakfast, just didn’t feel like any.

At 10:30, I suddenly felt those tell-tale urges, so up I sprang, hopped onto the toilet (I did remove my clothes first) and let it out, and it felt good too, like weeing from your bum not like normal diarrhoea that feels more slimy than anything else, this just felt like passing water.

Suitably relieved, and feeling empty, I proceeded to use just one Flushable wipe to wipe, followed by dabbing  a single sheet of tp to dry followed by a sparing amount of Sudocrem.

I shall spare you the rest of the details but the rest of the morning looked like this, for the majority of the day I drank myself through 1.5l of Lucozade stopping at 11:30 am to drink a cup of Mint tea (I wouldn’t recommend this, it dyes everything green ;-) ); trips were made at 11:00 and 12:30 – this started to run clear looking more like chicken stock; lunch at 13:30 consisted of two hard-boiled eggs and two slices of toast buttered with Lurpack.

The rest of the day went as: a trip at 15:00 this had a little more substance as expected though it was still watery; 15:15 another trip though this had started to take on the same watery feel as the morning trips; 16:30, more water and worryingly turning a British Racing Green colour; 18:00; 19:30 – started to worry now as it had not returned to the chicken stock colour of lunch and thinking that I would not be running clear in time for the morning’s procedure; 21:00; 23:10; 00:15 – this was the last trip for the day, was very concerned that I would mess the bed though I can happily report that I stayed dry throughout the night with a final emptying at 07:30 on the day of the procedure – still green though.

In all, I went around 11 times throughout the day and am happy to report that it really was a pleasant experience with absolutely nothing to worry about.

A couple of things about my prep though:

  1. I am not a big eater – this may well be part of my overall problem but the previous Friday I had a ‘thing in a box’ that consisted of a meat and salad dish, this was the only food I ate during the course of the day and for Saturday, I only had a melted cheese baguette at 14:00, by 23:00 I just was no longer hungry – whilst I didn’t intend to eat so little and wouldn’t recommend this as part of a healthy diet, I really do think this helped
  2. Each passing was dealt with with a single Flushable / baby wipe, a single sheet of tp dabbed against my bottom to dry and a helping of Sudocrem this method I think went a long way in preventing the sore bum a lot of others have reported
  3. Lucozade Sport [DO NOT TAKE NORMAL Lucozade], highly recommended both by tasting better than most other drinks but being isotonic, also replaces lost salts – I am a migraine sufferer and can get a headache very quickly (within 10 mins if my neck or shoulders get too cold), but didn’t once suffer throughout the day – I am also a programmer and this can cause them, as mentioned I spent the day working).
  4. At 21:00 I switched to just water deciding the red dye used in both cherry and raspberry Lucozade may well dye the colon wall.
  5. 10pm was the time of my last drink until AFTER the procedure.
  6. Even the literature makes mention of being sensible to be near a toilet and many comedian has mentioned the rush, I didn’t get this; I felt that when an urge came on I had a good 5 mins (even when seated) to get to the toilet and open the err… heavens.

All I can say is be suitably prepared and  the day shall just breeze by, I read a couple of reviews like this one - Picolax (CitraFleet) – Graphic Review by efhell et al and was suitably scared, but my fears were ultimately unfounded.

Steve

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