Posted on 01-05-2012
Filed Under (Random Musings) by Steve

WARNING! Those of a weak disposition or if you are eating, look away now, this review is very graphic.

Right, so on Monday the 30th April 2012 I went for a colonoscopy for which the previous day I was to perform the dreaded colon prep using none other than Satan’s favourite tipple – Citrafleet.

I had read a lot of blogs about the effects of this stuff and not to put a too fine a point on it, I was pooing myself and not in a Fleet way either.

To prepare for the day, I went out and bought 2 x Lucozade Sport multi-packs and 2 packs of Andrex Flushables (these smell really nice).

So at 8:30am on Sunday 29th April 2012 (I was running late through fear), I poured the mixture into a pint glass (yes a pint, not being great at necking pints I really wanted to prolong the agony), waited for the heat (yes it did raise its own temperature a little) to die down and then drank.

I did initially feel as though I wanted to bring it back up though I suspect that this was only out of blind panic, went back upstairs with my work laptop (I had some work to be getting on with and besides, I had commandeered the en-suite for the day), and waited – I had no breakfast, just didn’t feel like any.

At 10:30, I suddenly felt those tell-tale urges, so up I sprang, hopped onto the toilet (I did remove my clothes first) and let it out, and it felt good too, like weeing from your bum not like normal diarrhoea that feels more slimy than anything else, this just felt like passing water.

Suitably relieved, and feeling empty, I proceeded to use just one Flushable wipe to wipe, followed by dabbing  a single sheet of tp to dry followed by a sparing amount of Sudocrem.

I shall spare you the rest of the details but the rest of the morning looked like this, for the majority of the day I drank myself through 1.5l of Lucozade stopping at 11:30 am to drink a cup of Mint tea (I wouldn’t recommend this, it dyes everything green ;-) ); trips were made at 11:00 and 12:30 – this started to run clear looking more like chicken stock; lunch at 13:30 consisted of two hard-boiled eggs and two slices of toast buttered with Lurpack.

The rest of the day went as: a trip at 15:00 this had a little more substance as expected though it was still watery; 15:15 another trip though this had started to take on the same watery feel as the morning trips; 16:30, more water and worryingly turning a British Racing Green colour; 18:00; 19:30 – started to worry now as it had not returned to the chicken stock colour of lunch and thinking that I would not be running clear in time for the morning’s procedure; 21:00; 23:10; 00:15 – this was the last trip for the day, was very concerned that I would mess the bed though I can happily report that I stayed dry throughout the night with a final emptying at 07:30 on the day of the procedure – still green though.

In all, I went around 11 times throughout the day and am happy to report that it really was a pleasant experience with absolutely nothing to worry about.

A couple of things about my prep though:

  1. I am not a big eater – this may well be part of my overall problem but the previous Friday I had a ‘thing in a box’ that consisted of a meat and salad dish, this was the only food I ate during the course of the day and for Saturday, I only had a melted cheese baguette at 14:00, by 23:00 I just was no longer hungry – whilst I didn’t intend to eat so little and wouldn’t recommend this as part of a healthy diet, I really do think this helped
  2. Each passing was dealt with with a single Flushable / baby wipe, a single sheet of tp dabbed against my bottom to dry and a helping of Sudocrem this method I think went a long way in preventing the sore bum a lot of others have reported
  3. Lucozade Sport [DO NOT TAKE NORMAL Lucozade], highly recommended both by tasting better than most other drinks but being isotonic, also replaces lost salts – I am a migraine sufferer and can get a headache very quickly (within 10 mins if my neck or shoulders get too cold), but didn’t once suffer throughout the day – I am also a programmer and this can cause them, as mentioned I spent the day working).
  4. At 21:00 I switched to just water deciding the red dye used in both cherry and raspberry Lucozade may well dye the colon wall.
  5. 10pm was the time of my last drink until AFTER the procedure.
  6. Even the literature makes mention of being sensible to be near a toilet and many comedian has mentioned the rush, I didn’t get this; I felt that when an urge came on I had a good 5 mins (even when seated) to get to the toilet and open the err… heavens.

All I can say is be suitably prepared and  the day shall just breeze by, I read a couple of reviews like this one - Picolax (CitraFleet) – Graphic Review by efhell et al and was suitably scared, but my fears were ultimately unfounded.


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Posted on 19-08-2011
Filed Under (Random Musings) by Steve

Just a quick post rather more of a pointer but I have often found this – not that I always find myself in this predicament but ever notice how difficult it is to wee on a train?

And by wee on a train I actually mean by using the public conveniences – the fact remains that to do so when standing up is virtually impossible and leaves one feeling as though they are completely and utterly sozzled!

This is actually brilliant if you are someone like me; it means that I can park my car at the station (I do live 8 miles away), go to London for a night out, remain on the Robinsons (Apple and Blackberry) and still drive home completely sober safe in the knowledge that for 45 mins I can feel completely hammered and the best bit of this means… No hangover the next morning woohoo!

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Posted on 06-07-2011
Filed Under (Random Musings) by Steve

I am feeling rotten and despite working from home, I am finding it difficult to work.
I don’t usually suffer man-flu (yesterday I had a fever and was running a temperature of at least 100) today, I feel even worse (without the burning-up bit) so due to no longer being able to concentrate on my work (I am a data analyst and suddenly 100M rows of data don’t make much sense) I sent the following to Pip (Perks/Perky is the male one of our three cats):

Subject: gargh…!

It hurts.

I am now officially off ill; so much for my plans of catch-up on my stuff and be strong to kick its bottom – feeling worse than yesterday (without the fever).

Got cough and sore throat, my snot rag is brimming – the cats think I’m a freak every time I blow my nose, I have no strength or resolve – Perks just looked at me whilst I was tucking-in to a slice of Soreen and so I felt compelled/obliged to feed him and the house still needs to be sorted out – its all gone wrong.

On another point at least I smell nice…

Pip’s response was:

1 – you are a freak so they cats aren’t looking at you in a new way
2 – My dear perks will get fat if you keep feeding him – give him a little treat if you really must (only a little one though)
3 – Are you sure the soreen is safe?
4 – its good you smell nice now:)



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Posted on 05-07-2011
Filed Under (Random Musings) by Steve

Trying to pee whilst on a moving train!

This is just about one of the only times that a man has to bite the bullet and become a girl for two minutes – trying to pee whilst standing really is not happening no matter how hard you try – its like trying to pee drunk.


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Posted on 29-06-2011

Just to set the record straight as it seems as though I have earned a name for myself.

Its not that I dislike Nando’s, rather I just cannot see the point.

Everyone bangs on about it as though its the greatest thing since sliced bread but I just cannot see the point – its just chicken served at hugely over-inflated prices!

If you really want to ‘dine-out’ on chicken, maybe consider the cheaper alternative of KFC but who in their right mind would spend £39.95 on two whole chickens and 5 sides (chips, spicy rice, coleslaw, corn on the cob, garlic bread, peas or mash).1 Taking a trip to Tesco (or your favourite  supermarket) and you could get that lost for considerably cheaper (at least 50%) and you would still have enough for your own seasonings/marinades and some alcohol.

So to re-iterate, its not that I don’t like it, I just won’t pay through the nose for something that I can do better (and cheaper) myself.

  1. Nandos menu visited 05/07/2011
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